[Everyone is disappearing. Derek's gone, which means Vanya has a puppy to take care of. Does she know how to take care of a puppy? Fuck no! Does she want to take care of this puppy? Fuck no! Did she let him sleep in her bed every night since bringing him home and maybe cry a couple times because she has had all of two friends in her life and she made them both here and one of them is gone?
None of your fucking business.
Vanya's not doing well, but when she had enough of moping on her own, she reached out to Allison, hoping for an extra coffee-slash-alcohol date. She waited, figuring it might be a busy time for work. And she waited some more. And more. And when she texted again, she realized that Allison - like Derek, like so fucking many people now - was gone.
She got a drink on her own. She got a few drinks on her own, and when Chance had settled down to sleep on her bed, she got to thinking that there was probably someone she could blame for this.
fyi. if you were the only one left. i can't believe you're still trying to be leader. like dad didn't just use you like a drill and toss you aside once the battery was dead
you can't keep this family together luther it's not your responsibility and i'm not your responsibility and you can't pretend i am if you're just going to treat me like i was ever part of the academy
i don't even know if you know that because you're so fucking uptight and i can't even look at you without wanting to scream so how am I supposed to know what you know
you probably should have just kept squeezing. it would have been better than waking up and realizing what you did to me.
you knew nothing could touch you and you were on all the covers, smiling like nothing ever could
klaus was bad, with the meds, and diego was always so mean and even when they were there five and ben would ignore me if there was anything better to do
[ When Luther and all the others return from their stint in the City, it's... a lot to wrestle with. It's an extra decade of muddled memories to sift through, of the ones that did make it through (not all of the memories did, or at least not all of them with such clarity). He's reeling from memories of how much worse he could have been. Was. Had been. Cocky and smiling on all the magazine covers, in the City, like nothing could ever touch him.
And then his communicator lights up. Mostly messages from Diego and Ben, and his employer at Joe's Movers — goddamnit, he'll have to go talk to them, explain the usual imPort conundrum — but then an unexpected name appears. 'VANYA' pops up on his communicator, and Luther can't help but wonder: why is Vanya texting him? She never texts him.
Luther starts reading.
And he reads.
And feels it like a deep gut punch, a knife under his ribs. Like a well-aimed missile, squarely hitting its mark, the bomb blast going off. Not even Diego gets such good digs in, because Luther expects knives out from Diego. He doesn't expect such teeth from Vanya. Has never built up a thick skin in preparation for what she, the smallest and most inconsequential and the most dangerous and most frightening, Number Seven, might have to say. It catches him wrong-footed, off-guard, his vulnerable side exposed, and as a result he's been ripped open.
The fury rises up a second later. ]
I didn't want t
I was trying to protect you
I don't know what you think it was like, but the moon was absolutely fucking nothing to be jealous of. It almost drove me insane
Being alone isn't all it
Did you know, when you've been alone long enough, you start hallucinating? People. Voices. Or just visuals. I researched it, afterwards. It's the mind going fucking loony from all the monotony, the lack of interaction. It starts making things up to fill the gaps. Just to try to think and see and hear something new for once. I put you in that tank for one night but try four years
I haven't told anyone. Guess I still haven't.
I am never telling you.
[ A furious litany of texts, Luther exorcising all his kneejerk reactions, then mass-deleting them a second later. One and Seven are so strangely alike in this: they won't send it if they think there's a chance the other person might ever actually see it. So, in the end, it's just: ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
obediences) wrote2019-03-28 10:51 am
text; 1/16 VITRIOL INCOMING
None of your fucking business.
Vanya's not doing well, but when she had enough of moping on her own, she reached out to Allison, hoping for an extra coffee-slash-alcohol date. She waited, figuring it might be a busy time for work. And she waited some more. And more. And when she texted again, she realized that Allison - like Derek, like so fucking many people now - was gone.
She got a drink on her own. She got a few drinks on her own, and when Chance had settled down to sleep on her bed, she got to thinking that there was probably someone she could blame for this.
Even if he was gone, too.]
hey
no subject
here
whatever
no subject
I'm literally wasting my time right now
this is stupid
no subject
no subject
I am all the fuck alone here and Allison's gone and I can't tell if it's better that you're gone too or if it'd be worse if you were still here
no subject
worse
fyi. if you were the only one left. i can't believe you're still trying to be leader. like dad didn't just use you like a drill and toss you aside once the battery was dead
you can't keep this family together luther it's not your responsibility and i'm not your responsibility and you can't pretend i am if you're just going to treat me like i was ever part of the academy
no subject
i don't even know if you know that because you're so fucking uptight and i can't even look at you without wanting to scream so how am I supposed to know what you know
you probably should have just kept squeezing. it would have been better than waking up and realizing what you did to me.
no subject
no subject
I hate that Allison loves you
I hate sharing my sister with you
it's not fair how GUILTY that makes me feel every time we talk and spend time together
like she'd be with you if it wasn't for me
no subject
actually you probably don't, you're such a fucking idiot about everything that isn't tactics and being in the spotlight
idk maybe not anymore
maybe now you have an idea about what it felt like all those years, wanting to be seen and being terrified of it at the same time
no subject
out of everyone. when we were kids.
i gave my therapist an earful about you, when she got me to finally talk about stuff. i didn't say nearly as much as i could have
no subject
you knew nothing could touch you and you were on all the covers, smiling like nothing ever could
klaus was bad, with the meds, and diego was always so mean and even when they were there five and ben would ignore me if there was anything better to do
but you just never saw me did you
i might as well have been one of klaus' ghosts.
no subject
all alone, no one to judge you, no one to make you wonder if you were enough
even with the meds i wondered that every day
wondered why i bothered
the kicker is i still wonder that without the meds, but now i fucking feel it all the time instead of burying it under whatever was in those pills
no subject
you're the second one. in case this wasn't clear. i don't miss you.
AND SCENE
february 1st, 1/2
And then his communicator lights up. Mostly messages from Diego and Ben, and his employer at Joe's Movers — goddamnit, he'll have to go talk to them, explain the usual imPort conundrum — but then an unexpected name appears. 'VANYA' pops up on his communicator, and Luther can't help but wonder: why is Vanya texting him? She never texts him.
Luther starts reading.
And he reads.
And feels it like a deep gut punch, a knife under his ribs. Like a well-aimed missile, squarely hitting its mark, the bomb blast going off. Not even Diego gets such good digs in, because Luther expects knives out from Diego. He doesn't expect such teeth from Vanya. Has never built up a thick skin in preparation for what she, the smallest and most inconsequential and the most dangerous and most frightening, Number Seven, might have to say. It catches him wrong-footed, off-guard, his vulnerable side exposed, and as a result he's been ripped open.
The fury rises up a second later. ]
I didn't want t
I was trying to protect you
I don't know what you think it was like, but the moon was absolutely fucking nothing to be jealous of. It almost drove me insane
Being alone isn't all it
Did you know, when you've been alone long enough, you start hallucinating? People. Voices. Or just visuals. I researched it, afterwards. It's the mind going fucking loony from all the monotony, the lack of interaction. It starts making things up to fill the gaps. Just to try to think and see and hear something new for once. I put you in that tank for one night but try four years
I haven't told anyone. Guess I still haven't.
I am never telling you.
[ A furious litany of texts, Luther exorcising all his kneejerk reactions, then mass-deleting them a second later. One and Seven are so strangely alike in this: they won't send it if they think there's a chance the other person might ever actually see it. So, in the end, it's just: ]
Uh. Vanya?
2/2
It's the only thing Luther ever gets back.
MESSAGE UNDELIVERABLE: MAILBOX DEACTIVATED
He throws his communicator across the room; it dents the wall, shatters. ]