obediences: ((human after all) 04)
luther "the big shy one" hargreeves | #00.01 ([personal profile] obediences) wrote2019-03-08 09:00 pm
Entry tags:

for [personal profile] numberthree.



And I’d choose you; in a hundred lifetimes, in a hundred worlds, in any version of reality, I’d find you and I’d choose you.
numberthree: (☂ 00.41)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-09-29 11:39 am (UTC)(link)
Luther might not remember if he has more to do, but Allison does.

She knows she should stay, wander, mingle, talk to as many people as want to talk to her, be caught in this dress, laughing and smiling, by as many cameras and journalists as are there, see the night out. That there's a sort of implied timeline of expectation. But one that no one requested, informed, or even implied once. It's not entirely like ditching, but it still snags somewhere in the box of knowing-doing what she supposed to at her level is overdoing it immaculately, too, so people can't find faults, so that she's everywhere, unavoidable, unreproachable.

But she doesn't care at all -- the whole of that idea, of the world, even the noise of the crowd not far from them, burbling along is a distance hum -- when Luther stares at her a too long, possibly suggested too much, moment, before his expression shifts, turning playful. His words make her smile a little, clouding up her chest with relief.

Luther squeezes her hand, and as much as she knows she should leave it at that, relief, her heart never did play fair where it came to Luther. Even when she doesn't want to, rejecting one set of priorities makes it so much easier to want to deny other unpleasing realities. She lets go of his hand. Casually. There are exits closer than the front, thankfully, so they won't have to press back out through the whole reception crowd, where they'd both be inevitably stopped a half dozen, dozen times first. It's out a side door and then looping back one side to where the taxi area is.

If she was feeling guilty about it, most of it vanishes at his words.
In the easy return of, "We'll just have to make the most of our time, then."

Even the exhaustion at the edge of her thoughts could be made to wait. Would. For Luther.
Who was already halfway out the door, on the night they weren't even supposed to be able to have.
numberthree: (☂ 00.50)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-09-30 11:24 am (UTC)(link)
Allison's exposed skin prickles as the shift from the inside high running air conditioning to the warmth of the fall night outside the walls of the museum, and she's in the wrong clothes for this, they both are, but it'll have to do, too. There's an excited skip speed up to her pulse as the door shuts behind them. A physical sound of their escape, as she does something that would, could, might be conceived as wrong for the first time in forever that doesn't have to do with being inconvenienced or impatient.

That makes her glance over at Luther as he speaks, and feel that hum into her skin, into her bones. It feels like any number of times when they were younger, when she knew she was dragging him into something she shouldn't, but he was right there at her side, at her shoulder, in step with her, in hidden-away places, never forced or rumored or drug there against his will. It swells in her chest. Like it hasn't in two years.

It might mean nothing now (after; because)
but it's still there. For her, at least. In her.
(She wasn't the one who backed out.)

"There won't be a whole lot open, but there are places you could see or walkthrough. The Griffith's Observatory. The St. Monica pier." She's counting things even as she counting certain others out. Other museums and the downtown art walk, the bright lights and big crowds of China Town. "Though, didn't your letter just say something about coffee or something?"

She can't remember entirely, only that it was asking for her time during it in that calm, quiet, off-handed way of his. Almost like the asking for it was too big and to be done small. Like she might not want to. Reminding her of her earlier words, You thought I lied?

"There are a million pretty great coffee places if we just want to sit and talk."
Edited 2020-10-01 04:11 (UTC)
numberthree: (☂ 00.27)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-02 11:09 am (UTC)(link)
Allison finds herself staring at him what might be a few seconds too long, or too hard, after Luther's answer. Those words shoved out so fast as if they couldn't be kept in. He's got specificism down, but it's a little winding to think about there not being some other distraction in the fact of that intensity. To just be sitting somewhere, across a table, with only each other to look at.

Her life had been made of so much of that, for so much of the greater share of the decade behind her, them, and yet, still now. Now, it felt precariously like an overly large magnifying glass affixing itself above her. And yet. Did she want anything else, herself, anyway? Did she want him distracted by other things if there were so few minutes and hours until he vanished entirely from her life again?

"Coffee it is, then." Her smile is easy, as much a trade of her childhood as these last two years Hollywood. The couple in front of them starts loading into a cab, and it moves them up to the front of the line.
numberthree: (☂ 00.163)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-04 02:16 pm (UTC)(link)
Allison's hand is already on Luther's arm, as she's leaning down to look in the cab. "Don't listen to him. We're fine. We're coming." Shifts directly into a move that is partially tugging, and once her other hand finds part of his back, pushing, too.

"Luther." It's a little higher, but more directive than negating. "Get in the cab."

A look thrown over her shoulder at the shifting crowd and the steadily extending line. Some with slightly pinched, confused expression about what was happening in front of them. Her voice hitches a step under volume this time, as her mouth doesn't move as much while she smiles at those confused, suspicious expression, "We're not going to make all these nice people wait just for us."

It's logical, but even as she gets toward the words, her heart is not as calm as her words suddenly, even as she bulling straight through it, already going about leaning downward to pick up the excess fabric to the skirt of this dress, not looking at him as she pushes the words out. "Just get in. I'll sit in your lap. It's not that long or far."
numberthree: (☂ 00.250)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-05 03:12 am (UTC)(link)
She's not thinking about it. She's not thinking about it. She's not thinking about it.

She's not thinking about it when she's gathering her skirts. She's not thinking about it when she's considering just how to Tetris herself into the cab, with her skirts in hand, around Luther's far too tall for the world, or the cab, body. She's not thinking about it when she finally gets her feet, then her legs, and all of the fabric, between his legs and out of the door. She's not thinking about it when Luther is rigid stillness beneath her, and she's not going to look back.

Just forward, as she leans forward to give the cabby the name of a location and the cross-streets, even though he probably doesn't need it. Which happens right before the cab takes off and all of her fabric, silky and slick moves, sends her lurching into what probably was going to be a disastrous landslide into the people next to them, before Luther's hands were suddenly on her, pulling her back, in one place. On his lap. On. He's.

Allison swallows through the spike of surprising warmth in the top of her cheeks, as other warmth, Luther's hands, Luther's arm sliding like a bar around her waist, suddenly permeates this incredibly too thin fabric, and it's all too much like it isn't there under those fingers, gripping her hip just a little too hard. Making sure she can't suddenly go face-planting into any other people or the passenger seat in front of her on his watch.

Before everything goes suddenly haywire as Luther starts talking.

She's mortified and horrified when her first reaction is overwhelmingly instantaneous. Her eyelids half-closing against her will, in surprised shock, something else entirely, as a shiver that might be goosebumps on her bare shoulders, travels lightning-fast, clenching her stomach, and not stopping there, when the center of her body throbs in the worst way—muscles fluttering in a disastrous little heated spasm between her legs.

And her face has gone as hot as if she'd been slapped suddenly.
She can't even tell if it's more shame or. Or. Or.

(She's wrong. She can't not pay attention. This was the worst idea.

She survived Dr. Terminal and the Murder Magician and her father and Hollywood, but she's going to die right here. On Luther's lap. In the tight curl of his arm against her stomach, hand curled the whole span of her hip. The careless, unaffected closeness of his mouth all but touching her bare skin. That doesn't even have a liar's millimeter scrap of silk or velvet between them. Like it's all nothing. Like she is.)

Allison has to swallow twice before she can even force her throat to give her the voice no one has been allowed to silence since the moment she walked down those stairs and away from her father for good.

"Coffee." Is stupid. But the only thing she can grab first. Hard. She has to do better. She has to. She licks her lips, even though her jaw can't unclench any further than that. She forces out words, even as she has to raise a hand and catch it on the shoulder of the seat in front of her as the cab swerves right hard, sliding through traffic. "A place not far from one of my work outlets."

Though it'll be after wherever these people are going first.
Not that she can say that. She might want to get out with them.
numberthree: (☂ 00.42)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-05 04:27 am (UTC)(link)
Why didn't she think about this when she was hurrying him?

When all she was focused on was 'not being that person.' The asshole who makes the whole line wait so that they can get in a cab by themselves. Refusing to get in the ones before them with anyone else in them. Refusing to let anyone else get in with them even if the cab line was basically a mile long. It was all dumb.

But so was thinking her reputation or decency was of higher importance than not being settled directly on Luther, held to Luther, by Luther. Because he had no choice in the matter. The way this dress hugs her body perfectly, hiding nothing, but also gives her no distract from any slightest pressure continually pressing through it. Every nerve in her body had to be screaming at this point; every muscle poised between fight, flight, and freeze in the perfect agreement of all three.

In the way Allison Hargreeves never ever reacted to a threat.
But nothing else in the whole god damn fucking universe was Luther Hargreeves.

With his hands on her. Were this cab and this dress constantly sliding her in little jots forward and back on his lap. Was the way his breath kept tickling the hairs on the back of her neck or her shoulder anytime he breathed out. Was the bump of her hair or her head into his face at the sudden fast stops. Was the faintest awareness of one of the people to their side whispering something that sounded like mumbled mumble Hargreeves mumble and not having the vaguest clue which one of them that might have been.

Or if her brain was just melting and reaching for anything.
She was such an idiot—more than anyone else on the planet tonight.

Allison clenches her teeth, trying to find anything to distract herself that isn't letting her gaze slide sharp to the people next to her, either. She doesn't want to give any of the three of them a sign of how hard she feels rattled. Like parts of her might vibrate off, or burn away under Luther's touch.

(How long had she wanted Luther to just reach out and touch her? How many days, weeks, months, years? Shoulders, and thighs, and arms, next to each other, but also never any closer, and not in anything like this. And not. She'd never wanted anything about Luther to be against his will.

It was why it was never him. Never. Never. Never.
Not except in training when she was told she had to.

Not even that day when he said no and made her leave alone.)

Allison tried to make her ears stop ringing, stop feeling hot, pushed a question out that she hoped didn't come out high pitch, and too fast, the first even vaguely logical, non-related, sounding question her brain could put together: "What did you do before coming to the museum?"
Edited 2020-10-05 11:21 (UTC)
numberthree: (☂ 00.149)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-06 05:00 am (UTC)(link)
Allison is positive she has to be a hallucinating -- is wide-awake, full-on body-hallucination out of nowhere, without torture first, a thing? Is it the sleep deprivation and an overactive imagination? -- because one of Luther's fingers slides in a quick stroke, back and forth, back and forth, over the center of her dress, the rise of her rib cage, and it feels like she's going to fall out of her body, like she's losing having the faintest clue what's happening.

Especially when her heart had leapfrogged confusedly sideways at the touch that started and then stopped immediately, only for him to start talking right next to her ear again, and she swears something between her head and her heart and her lungs is going to actually strangle itself soon. She's so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She knows better than this.

She needs Luther to stop touching her.

(She wants him to have not stopped that soft glide over her middle, too.
She's never considered throwing herself out of a moving vehicle before. But suddenly.)

"This is you guys." A voice suddenly cuts in, before Allison can even pretend to come up with breathing, no less words to answer the ones Luther has, again, so easily produced. Like talking is somehow normal. Teasing her with her clearance level (ex-superhero, only superstar wannabe now), and then answering in spite of it. But instead of replying to his answer, Allison is looking at the two people grabbing their bags and only making that vaguest of eye contact of people who don't know each other just sharing space for five minutes to get home. Or to wherever.

There might be something a little manic about her consideration of the other two-thirds of the bucket seat they are currently taking up and the fact she plans to get there, even if she has to fall face-first into it shortly. If only to plaster herself to the piece of the car furthest from Luther's hands. Arms. Mouth. Chest. Stomach. Lap. Legs. Every single part of him touching her too much; and not nearly enough.
Edited 2020-10-06 11:32 (UTC)
numberthree: (☂ 00.220)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-08 02:35 am (UTC)(link)
One of the few things she can keep in her head when Luther releases her at the same time as she's trying to make anything like a graceful shift to the other seat in this dress is being torn between wanting to push too fast and hard for as far over into the seat against the door as she can get and not looking like she's actually running from anything. Allison Hargreeve does not run. From anything.

(Except.)

Even if her nervous system, still all green lights and lightning, strung high on the too-tight awareness of the breath that had just been on her neck and shoulder, the hands that lingered before letting her go, legs and chest, pressing her everywhere else, left the strangest hot sear in her skin. Too awake, too aware, too many things she wasn't supposed to be feeling, too much like it was still happening.

Even when she was only saying, "Thanks," and rearranging the excess fabric of this dress into the actual foot space, she had between not having two pairs of legs or Luther's height to take into account for any longer. Everything is still a buzz at too high a key in her skin, in her head, her teeth. Like it won't stop. Like if the passing streetlamps, singing in briefly through the windows in patterned every few seconds, focused on her too long pink-red would show straight through the color of her skin somehow.

Everything still felt warm, which made the whole idea of coffee suddenly seem deeply ludicrous, like the last thing she wanted was to be even further overheated by her own idiocy. She'd rather almost anything else. Something else like. Allison's head titled as the idea struck her. Lips pressing. She knows it's frustration and guilt (and two-three things she doesn't want to name but can't ignore), but it's maybe not a terrible idea either?

She doesn't ask. How often did she ever? Her brow furrowed in thought when it struck, and less than fifteen seconds later, she was leaning forward, slipping toward the front of her seat and leaning into the center console area, addressing the driver. "I've changed my mind. Can you take us to the intersection of--" Allison described the location with a few other notable landmarks but not the chosen change.

He pointed out it was the opposite direction, but Allison could pay for it, and that was all that really mattered.
numberthree: (☂ 00.88)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-10 04:05 am (UTC)(link)
When Allison looks back from the driver, sliding back on the seat, her answer is, perhaps, a little more artfully vague and imperious than it needs to be; and maybe she tells herself it's because she's tense and irritated. "Consider it a surprise."

It's not irriration. That's not the name for this feeling. The static crackle in her skin that feels like it's not calming, but only humming louder, and slightly stronger in its contrast, without further contact. But she doesn't want to name it. Like somehow, she's just going to willfully ignore that doing that for a decade didn't smother it either.

That there's nothing smothered at all by his two years' absence.
Even 'absence' feels too kind of a word at the edge of this electricity.

It's almost like she doesn't want to be (kind), because everything already always is. The whole world bows toward him as it is. The light passing the windows, while he's looking out it -- seeing, she can't quite even guess, he'd never dreamed of coming here, and she'd had all her dreams already in her eyes when she got here two years ago, but she can't think of that -- as the light, coming and going, continues to paint into far too clear relief the edge of his profile.

Strong jaw, and forehead, and the broad shoulders, nowhere near able to be concealed even in his well-cut professional appearances suit. All catching in the passing streams of white-gold light. The way his head tilts, so goddamn familiarly as his gaze catches on whatever it is in passing, out his window, and his head turns even minutely to let him watch that thing until it's gone, again, too. She hates how much it aches. (She's glad it's not all gone.)

And she hates that some part of her desperately wants him to say something again, anything. That even irritated -- even whatever this is; that it's not; because it never can be -- it's still all the minutes slipping by that she'll never get back. Like she's losing words to silence and the clock. And when had she ever cared if he was the one talking, even if it felt like she couldn't hold her own temper or reactions in?

"So." Allison prompts, ever petulant against desperation when she could act rather than react, than plead. Or whine. Even with herself. "These clandestine meetings of yours. Were they boring? Interesting? Is the world ending, and you're just not going to tell me now, because I'm simply one of the little people now?"
numberthree: (☂ 00.210)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-11 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
"Flatterer."

She says it with all the coolness of what this city has made of her in that way, the way everyone compliments everything. She heard enough of it during her little private tour and any number of her hello's right behind them. Words that mean absolutely everything and absolutely nothing, that are the pride and price of the handshakes of business in this world.

And yet. There's a part of it that lingers. That doesn't let her look away from Luther, and the light-shadow-light shadow plays on the side of his face, and those eyes she's known in even pitch darkness since childhood. That wants it to be true. To believe. Wholeheartedly. Simply because Luther said it.

Because Luther never lies.

(He changes his mind. But he didn't lie. Once upon a time. )

"None of it important enough he thought he should go to himself?"

It's more than a little dismissive. She doesn't try to make it not be. Allison has never much been a fan of the man calling himself their father, and the last thing she'd ever want to even imply for a second is that she'd rather have looked up and found his cold, hard, scrutinizing gaze across the reception fall, but she doesn't like the idea of Luther playing lackey for him still either.
numberthree: (☂ 00.222)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-11 06:02 am (UTC)(link)
It's all patented excuses for their father. The kind Luthor had been defending for longer than she could even remember where started. She didn't know what it was the tied Luther to him stronger than anything else on this planet, but it was there. It had always been there. Maybe it always would be, since he was still out there doing the job without any of them.

Out here doing the job even their father deemed below him, but not Luther.

It's easier that Luther throws her an absolutely buntable question to follow on it. She could. But she doesn't. Though maybe in only the way he'd get. If he still did. How much could change -- be lost, be replaced, be forgotten -- in somewhere over two years?

"Exhausting--" Allison says, but there's a curl to her mouth was so much less rarely seen when she was younger. When she left someone twice her size on the ground, or frozen them in place and could slide circles around them uncaringly pleased. The smile that was more shark than girl, the one who hungered for a challenge always five times bigger than herself and refused to let anyone tell her no. "--But, yeah, in the good way."

She wouldn't still be standing, upright, out tonight, in this dress, in this cab, if it wasn't true. If it weren't worth it to her, she would have just gone to sleep and made excuses in the morning. She has that to thank for even a few seconds of Luther miraculously, accidentally, stepped into her life and night, too. "The whole next half of the season is full of unexpected twists and some pretty big reveals."
numberthree: (☂ 00.232)

[personal profile] numberthree 2020-10-15 03:50 pm (UTC)(link)
It's still strange to hear him say that. She knows he did earlier, but it's still strange to hear. To picture Luther watching her on tv every week, on the television she willed into existence when she was too young to really be letting herself get away with things anymore and already obstinately doing it anyway. It's still incredibly strange to picture him watching her. Like that was just a normal occurrence.

Not that the irony doesn't strike her that she catches him on the news.
She can't see her show mattering to things he and her father consider to most.

But the arrival distracts from the thought, from the response she'd been pulling together in her head, and shifts him to the soundless question she wouldn't even need to read his lips to know. They like to control things, to plan, to have their fingers on all chances and avenues, Reginald Hargreeves children. Which makes it pert that Allison throws him a smile that is all winning delight about denying him any of it, and, instead, turning her attention to the driver and paying.

Ruffling up under all the fabric of the skirt portion of this dress again and finding the garter thigh band with the pocket that has her ID, her credit card, and a little cash only: the last of which she hands off to the driver. Before her hand is already on the door, smirk still on her lips: "You'll just have to come along and see."

For all the vague bravado, it's not all that impressive, and actually, before they turn the corner to where Lick Ice Cream is, she wonders if it's actually beyond the pale of childish. The wrong choice. Utterly. Made in the heat of a frustrated moment. Well and truly passed, with the back seat's safe space turned into a few feet on the sidewalk, back in the still-humid but slowly cooling night air, where they're just too people who used to know each other walking down this street.

"Ta-da," she says as they round the corner, even though she doubts if he'll remember, and there's a little uncertainty in her imperious showy tone. Just at the edges of her mouth and her eyes. Wanting him not to see suddenly stupidly turned juvenile standing there in this beautiful dress, having left the fanciest public party of the night likely and the relative safety of everyday coffee shops, for an ice cream store of all things.

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