[ To some people, those tenets might seem fairly basic and sensible, almost obvious: provide for the vulnerable, make others happy. But it's obviously hard-won on Ruby's side, and as she methodically lays it all out like this, Luther realises that he—
Doesn't have this. Doesn't have a set of values that are his own. He's a blank slate, an empty page to be filled up with whatever he's been told to do, unquestioningly, without him ever stopping to consider why he's doing what he's doing.
So, no wonder. It's absolutely no wonder that people have preyed on him over the years.
And even now, even now Luther feels this instinctive kneejerk instinct to simply take Ruby's words and completely internalise them himself, and let her lead him even though she's half his age: adopt her ethics and morality for his own, because she's thought them through and they seem sensible and, for lack of anything better, he might as well take these.
But there's that slippery slope. And, thankfully, he's self-aware enough now to notice it happening and catch himself. He can't just latch onto the nearest convenient person and let them start dictating his identity either, simply redirecting who he looks towards for guidance every time. He can't keep doing this. ]
You've obviously put a lot of thought into this. That's all really well-put and it sounds like a good code. Better what I've got, for sure.
An ethics system built upon vagueness is easy to manipulate, so I tried to make it as specific as I could while still giving myself some room to breathe. It also made a lot of sense that all beings have the right to do what they feel necessary to stay alive. If animals have that right, why wouldn't humans? Anyway, I'm glad you don't think I'm crazy for it, or think that I'm a psychopath or something because I had to apply logic to all of this instead of just... Feeling it, like most people feel their systems.
I think that there's something broken in my brain is all. I can feel emotions that classify as 'happy', but not the state of being known as happiness. And I have some pretty strong evidence to suggest that even my 'happy' emotions aren't as strong as those most people have. But I'm okay with that. Content is good enough for me, so that's my personal emotional goal.
If you can feel content and you classify it as 'happy', for yourself, by your own definition of happy, then that sounds good enough in my opinion. Close enough for government work, at least.
[ He's been clinically depressed for like ten years, who's he to judge? ]
I mean, to be fair. I'm a waitress, and I want to some day do something with zoos, or animal conservation or something, so if all goes well I don't be going into government work, unless the government suddenly takes and interest in such things.
[ Not only is she from a different culture, but she's from a culture with a near completely different set of sayings. She was bound to miss this one. ]
Not yet. I plan to start doing that this year though. I have another two or three years of school here, so I think it's okay it took me a while to get on that.
Yeah. Plus, I imagine there's a bit of-- I mean, it's hard to really plan for the future. Not knowing for sure how long you're gonna be here.
[ Luther had had that problem. It was one of the reasons he'd constantly dragged his heels on joining Aegis, reluctant to put down those kinds of roots -- mostly for how his family might react to the news that he'd committed here, rather than back home. ]
Yeah... I'm hoping permanently, for myself. I've been getting as much feedback from my teachers and bosses, and even some sorta-friends I have, so that I'll be able to figure out what I need to do to meet my goals. I figure that I should act both as though I'll be staying here permanently and that I might be ported out any day.
I don't want to be left flailing around with nothing to do when I'm an adult.
Somebody, I can't remember who, made the point that living here anticipating being Ported out isn't much different from living life somewhere else. You never know when you might die, or how many days you've got left.
So might as well make the most of them.
[ Easier said than done, but he's still trying, slowly. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
obediences) wrote2019-03-28 10:51 am
no subject
Doesn't have this. Doesn't have a set of values that are his own. He's a blank slate, an empty page to be filled up with whatever he's been told to do, unquestioningly, without him ever stopping to consider why he's doing what he's doing.
So, no wonder. It's absolutely no wonder that people have preyed on him over the years.
And even now, even now Luther feels this instinctive kneejerk instinct to simply take Ruby's words and completely internalise them himself, and let her lead him even though she's half his age: adopt her ethics and morality for his own, because she's thought them through and they seem sensible and, for lack of anything better, he might as well take these.
But there's that slippery slope. And, thankfully, he's self-aware enough now to notice it happening and catch himself. He can't just latch onto the nearest convenient person and let them start dictating his identity either, simply redirecting who he looks towards for guidance every time. He can't keep doing this. ]
You've obviously put a lot of thought into this. That's all really well-put and it sounds like a good code. Better what I've got, for sure.
[ Which is nothing. Nothing. ]
Why do you think you're unable to be happy?
no subject
I think that there's something broken in my brain is all. I can feel emotions that classify as 'happy', but not the state of being known as happiness. And I have some pretty strong evidence to suggest that even my 'happy' emotions aren't as strong as those most people have. But I'm okay with that. Content is good enough for me, so that's my personal emotional goal.
no subject
[ He's been clinically depressed for like ten years, who's he to judge? ]
no subject
I mean, to be fair. I'm a waitress, and I want to some day do something with zoos, or animal conservation or something, so if all goes well I don't be going into government work, unless the government suddenly takes and interest in such things.
no subject
[ They're both so hit-or-miss with humour, he can't actually tell if she recognised it or if she was joking too?? Man, they suck at this. ]
There's a few zoos here. You asked them about volunteer work or internships or anything?
no subject
[ Not only is she from a different culture, but she's from a culture with a near completely different set of sayings. She was bound to miss this one. ]
Not yet. I plan to start doing that this year though. I have another two or three years of school here, so I think it's okay it took me a while to get on that.
no subject
[ Luther had had that problem. It was one of the reasons he'd constantly dragged his heels on joining Aegis, reluctant to put down those kinds of roots -- mostly for how his family might react to the news that he'd committed here, rather than back home. ]
no subject
I don't want to be left flailing around with nothing to do when I'm an adult.
no subject
So might as well make the most of them.
[ Easier said than done, but he's still trying, slowly. ]